Hi y’all, Abigail here!
I would like to say a warm hello to all of my new followers and thank you so much for following along and welcome to Real life Real Talk. If you are not looking for a real raw and honest blog about my road through alcoholism and my journey now through recovery this isn’t the blog for you. I keep it as real as possible. While others make recovery so glamorous and easy, I am the first to say it can be difficult and it can get ugly. That has been reality for me, but at the same time I say that I can also say recovery is possible and it can be beautiful.
Since I have had so many new followers I originally planned to do 25 facts about me to allow you all to get to know me better. Rather than 25 random facts I decided to take it back to a blog post I did a few weeks ago about the secret truth as to why I drank. I believe there is no better way for one alcoholic to connect and relate to another alcoholic than to hear the behind the scenes stories of why we do what we do. This excerpt that I am about to share with y’all go right along with what has been weighing on my mind lately, and that is the movement to #endthestigma. I believe if more people really took the time to hear our story and learn about us they may have a different opinion of “addicts.” We do what we do for a reason, not because one day we woke up and told ourselves we wanted to be an alcoholic/addict.
Want to learn more about me and why I drank myself into the gates of death? Read below an excerpt from a previous blog post!
“All I have to say is whoever came up with the nursery rhyme “sticks and stones may break your bones but words could never hurt you” is full of sh*t. Words hurt worse than anything, they scar you and stay with you the rest of your life. For me they have anyways. I will never forget the group of guys in middle school that called me piggy and started the downhill battle of feeling less than. Middle school and high school were hell until I was introduced to alcohol my sophomore year of high school. My life changed. My feelings about myself changed. Alcohol gave me exactly what I needed to be okay with myself. When I drank it was like I was a completely different person. I felt wanted, I felt pretty, I felt talkative, I felt invincible.
Those feelings are what kept me wanting more. I never could get enough of alcohol because as soon as I stopped drinking I returned to that shy girl who was not okay with herself. That is why from the moment I began drinking I never drank like a normal person. I drank all the time. Alcohol gave me the confidence to do things I would have never thought about doing sober. It was like my magic juice that allowed me to live a different life. I partied hard and experienced a lot of life in not a lot of years. I thought drinking was all fun and games until it slowly kept taking over more and more of my life.
My drinking started out innocent and I had a lot of fun with this person I was able to turn into, but it is like I blinked my eyes and alcohol robbed me of many years of my life. By the end of my addiction those “fun” times all turned into a big blur and the fun was over. The fun had been over, I was dying because of that feeling I was trying to hold on to.”
We all struggle with things and we all learn to deal with our struggles differently. I personally struggled with a lack of self-confidence and a list full of insecurities. Alcohol was my solution to those struggles. This is where recovery isn’t so glamorous and easy. Just because we stop drinking doesn’t mean our struggles go away. They are still there in full force we just have to learn how to deal with them without drinking. It has taken a lot of hard work to learn how to deal with my struggles differently. I would be lying to you if I said everyday has been easy. Three and a half years into sobriety and I still have some not so hot days. I stay positive, I stay focused, and I remind myself that this feeling is temporary and it will pass.
My story, your story, our stories are what help shed light on addiction and that recovery is possible. Speak up and speak out to #endthestigma .
Thanks for following along while I shed light on alcoholism and share my passions of digitals, decor, and design. If you have any questions or just want to chat, shoot me a message. Be sure to follow me on Instagram @abigaillalumandier where I post daily!