PEACE

Dress | Studded Slides

Grateful for my recovery and the sense of peace it has brought me. One thing I struggled with at the beginning of sobriety was accepting the fact that just because I got sober didn’t mean “bad” things happened to me. After a lot of work and months in the program I realized what recovery had really brought me. It brought me the tools and basically cast a spell of peacefulness over me. Those “bad” things still happened, I just had the resources and calmness to deal with them. A couple of weeks ago I had a couple scary health concerns come up; my white blood count was very low, a steady low-grade fever, and arthritis in my blood. I was referred to a rheumatologist and am now being tested for lupus. Yes, it can be scary to not know what is wrong with you and what your future holds but I’m at peace and know that I’m in great hands and we will get to the bottom of this and it’s just another turn the road. Without recovery I’d be freaking the eff out and would be wondering why all of these “bad” things could happen to me since I’m sober…..

SOBER SATURDAY SOBER LIFE SHIRT <3

Sober Saturday’s are probably my fav day of the week and it just got that much better with my new #soberlife shirt. All smiles because almost 4 years ago everyone had given up on me and was just waiting to receive the call that I had died. Forever grateful that I got a second shot at life. We do recover and we are miracles. I never take a day for granted and I strive to give back what was so freely given to me. Have you seen my new Sober Life shirts!? They contain all kinds of words that describe individuals in recover like; fighter, serenity, clarity, aware, persistence, abstinence, freedom, and so many more beautiful words. They are $19.95 + shipping. Message me for more details. I hope you all have a fabulous Sober Saturday night. XOXO

 

PROUD

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All I ever wanted was to be proud of the woman I saw in the mirror. I spent years hating myself and believed I was going to find my solution at the bottom of every bottle of wine, vodka bottle, perfume bottle, bottle of rubbing alcohol…. That’s how far and deep I searched. I looked in all of the wrong places when I held the solution the whole time. The solution lied within me, I just had to want it. I had to want to learn how to love myself and put the work in to value myself for exactly who I was. In the beginning of sobriety I would have told you that looking for my solution at the bottom of bottles was easier. My determination and perseverance were the only things that kept me going one day at a time.  Here I am now proud as hell of the woman I see in the mirror. Trust me, we do recover!!

LOOKIN BACK AT THE WEEKEND LIKE..

Top | Jeans

The weekend comes and goes faster than you can blink your eyes. Looking back on this weekend, I can’t help but smile about the progress I’ve made in recovery. Something happened Saturday night that had it happened 4 years ago during active addiction I would have would have been out of sorts and freaking out. It’s taken me a long time but one of the best things I’ve learned in recovery is to not take life so seriously and to not get worked up over small things. So on Saturday night we were on our way to a wedding, in which we had to stop by Target to grab a gift bag real quick. I was designated to run in and pick it up. The moment I walked in the store my dress ripped straight up the back a little bit below my butt. With each step I took the more it ripped. I froze in place and didn’t even know what to do. I couldn’t hide it and we were in a hurry so I had no choice but to run grab the bag, checkout, and get the heck out of there. I’m standing at the self checkout looking at the video surveillance screen and can see the people busting out laughing behind me. By this point, my dress is ripped almost to my butt cheeks. I finished up and ran out of the store. Thankfully we weren’t too far from the house, so we ran back home I threw on another dress and the night carried on. Before recovery I would have lost my sh*t and most likely would have ended up staying at home. I suffer from severe anxiety, alcohol use to be my self soothing medication. It has taken a lot of time to live life on life’s terms and learn to go with the flow. That’s why they say it’s progress not perfection!

SOBER WEEKEND

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Happy sober Friday night friends! Low key kind of night trying to shake off a migraine before a crazy busy weekend. What are your weekend plans!? We have a wedding tomorrow and my nieces two year old birthday party on Sunday.. It will be a busy weekend but a memorable one making memories with my loved ones. The gifts of sobriety are oh so good!

xoxo,

THE BRAVEST THING I’VE DONE

Bodysuit | Jeans

The bravest thing I ever did was give sobriety one last shot when I wanted to die more than anything in this world. The last 6 months of my active addiction I lived in a constant state of wanting to be dead but too scared to kill myself. I woke every morning hoping it was my last and fell asleep every night hoping I didn’t wake up the next morning. These were the darkest, scariest, loneliest times of my life. I live every single day proud of my bravery for giving sobriety one more go. What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done in your life for you!?

XOXO,

OWN YOUR ALCOHOLISM DEMOLISH ITS POWER

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The moment I took ownership of my alcoholism, it lost all of its power. This didn’t happen on my first try though, in fact, it took me a long painful while to get to this point of complete and total surrender. I had flirted with sobriety for nearly two years prior to this. I was in and out of the rooms, experiencing relapse after relapse, going to one rehab after another…

I knew I had a problem, it was obvious and I was aware of it. But I was doing the whole sobriety thing for the wrong reasons and wrong people. I was flirting with sobriety because my parents were making me. After two years I was finally exhausted. I was worn out and didn’t have anything left in me. That’s when everything changed for me.

I gave sobriety one more shot, but this time I did it for completely different reasons and people. I did it for ME! I did it because I knew without a doubt in my mind that I was an alcoholic and will be an alcoholic until the day I die. My ownership of my disease of alcoholism demolished its power over me. I felt like the chains had been ripped off and I was free the grips of alcoholism. Did you feel a sense of freeness when you owned your addiction!?

RECOVERY TOOLBOX

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My recovery toolbox is a lot like my style. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Mixing animal prints and stripes like I mix AA literature and Instagram’s online sober community. I choose my outfits that fit my style just like I choose the tools I use that work for me and my recovery. There is more than one way to recover. Do what works for you.

ADDICTION FLASHBACKS

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Real raw active addiction flashback: I had another caption written out for this photo until I started to stare at this image and a flashback hit me full force. It’s memories like these that I play through that serve as my daily reminders why I will never ever be able to drink again. So in this photo please take a look at these blue glass canisters and use them as a reference point in my flashback I am about to share…

My parents had tried to kick me out of their house a few nights before this flashback, they even called the police on me because I wouldn’t leave to only find out that they had to give me a 30 day vacate letter by law. They couldn’t even kick me out of their house when they wanted to, so crazy! So on this particular day my mom had locked me out of the house because I was out of this world intoxicated and her day care parents were about to come to pick up their kids from the house. I was irate and wasn’t going to give up on getting back into the house. I got in the hot tub for a short bit until I decided to get out of the hot tub, pick up not one but two glass canisters (just like the ones in this photo) that were on the outdoor coffee table and throw them as hard as I could at the back glass door. The canisters shattered in front of my eyes but the door stood tall in one single piece…… Just as I was grabbing my next object to chunk at the door my parents flung open the door and came out running.

And that is exactly where my flashback ends. These bits and pieces of flashbacks remind just what alcohol does to me and what I will go back to with one drink. People look at me now and say I would have never imagined that you went through any of that or did any of that. Well I did and will do it again if I do not remain sober. I share these raw moments of my active addiction because you never know who might need to hear something they relate to.

SOBER HOLIDAY WEEKEND

Dress | Jean Jacket | Sunglasses | Sandals

Early sobriety and holiday family gatherings gave me severe anxiety. It had been years since our family had a nice, calm, drama free Holiday. My brothers despised me for the intoxicated drama that I brought with me every where I went and they slowly started to skip Holiday’s because they knew I would cause some kind of sh*t show. I was notorious for starting a massive family fight and then to top it off I would call the police and have them join the party. Every. Single. Time. I hurt my family during active addiction and just because I got sober didn’t mean everything was immediately ok. It took time and a lot of work. I can remember my first sober Holiday being almost overtaken with anxiety due to the amount of guilt I was carrying for the previous Holiday’s and what I had put my family through. Over time the guilt subsided along with the anxiety, and the trust grew along with strong relationships with all of my family. Family and Holiday’s are everything to me now. I hope you all have a fabulous sober Easter weekend with the ones you love!