PEACE

Dress | Studded Slides

Grateful for my recovery and the sense of peace it has brought me. One thing I struggled with at the beginning of sobriety was accepting the fact that just because I got sober didn’t mean “bad” things happened to me. After a lot of work and months in the program I realized what recovery had really brought me. It brought me the tools and basically cast a spell of peacefulness over me. Those “bad” things still happened, I just had the resources and calmness to deal with them. A couple of weeks ago I had a couple scary health concerns come up; my white blood count was very low, a steady low-grade fever, and arthritis in my blood. I was referred to a rheumatologist and am now being tested for lupus. Yes, it can be scary to not know what is wrong with you and what your future holds but I’m at peace and know that I’m in great hands and we will get to the bottom of this and it’s just another turn the road. Without recovery I’d be freaking the eff out and would be wondering why all of these “bad” things could happen to me since I’m sober…..

PROUD

Top | Shorts | Blazer | Sunglasses

All I ever wanted was to be proud of the woman I saw in the mirror. I spent years hating myself and believed I was going to find my solution at the bottom of every bottle of wine, vodka bottle, perfume bottle, bottle of rubbing alcohol…. That’s how far and deep I searched. I looked in all of the wrong places when I held the solution the whole time. The solution lied within me, I just had to want it. I had to want to learn how to love myself and put the work in to value myself for exactly who I was. In the beginning of sobriety I would have told you that looking for my solution at the bottom of bottles was easier. My determination and perseverance were the only things that kept me going one day at a time.  Here I am now proud as hell of the woman I see in the mirror. Trust me, we do recover!!

ADDICTION FLASHBACKS

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Real raw active addiction flashback: I had another caption written out for this photo until I started to stare at this image and a flashback hit me full force. It’s memories like these that I play through that serve as my daily reminders why I will never ever be able to drink again. So in this photo please take a look at these blue glass canisters and use them as a reference point in my flashback I am about to share…

My parents had tried to kick me out of their house a few nights before this flashback, they even called the police on me because I wouldn’t leave to only find out that they had to give me a 30 day vacate letter by law. They couldn’t even kick me out of their house when they wanted to, so crazy! So on this particular day my mom had locked me out of the house because I was out of this world intoxicated and her day care parents were about to come to pick up their kids from the house. I was irate and wasn’t going to give up on getting back into the house. I got in the hot tub for a short bit until I decided to get out of the hot tub, pick up not one but two glass canisters (just like the ones in this photo) that were on the outdoor coffee table and throw them as hard as I could at the back glass door. The canisters shattered in front of my eyes but the door stood tall in one single piece…… Just as I was grabbing my next object to chunk at the door my parents flung open the door and came out running.

And that is exactly where my flashback ends. These bits and pieces of flashbacks remind just what alcohol does to me and what I will go back to with one drink. People look at me now and say I would have never imagined that you went through any of that or did any of that. Well I did and will do it again if I do not remain sober. I share these raw moments of my active addiction because you never know who might need to hear something they relate to.

DREAM BIG

Dress | Heels

walking out of Monday motivated for what is to come. dream big + set goals. crush them. dream bigger + set new goals. reach them and keep going. the more you dream the more there is to come.

CRAVINGS

Top | Leggings

Did you crave how alcohol tasted or did you crave how alcohol made you feel??? One of the biggest misconceptions in early sobriety is in regards to ‘cravings’. Some of my most frequently asked questions are when will these cravings stop, when will I be able to pass a gas station or aisle in the grocery store without wanting to stop and buy something, I just want the cravings to stop….. Well, it’s complicated. There isn’t an exact date or timeline that cravings go away. Because let’s be real was it really the taste we were addicted to or were we addicted to the escape avenue and the way alcohol/drugs made us feel? So to answer the questions of when the cravings go away…. when you have taken the time to work on yourself, appreciate and accept real raw emotions and feelings, love yourself, and learn to live life on life’s terms. Everything in life, everything in sobriety, takes work! There isn’t a set time line or standard for anything. Be patient and take it one day at a time!!! 💗

HAWAII OUTFIT DETAILS

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Sweater | Jeans | Shoes | Purse

Sports Bra | Leggings | Sweat Shirt | Tennis Shoes

Swim Suit | Shorts | Sunglasses

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Jumpsuit | Jacket | Shoes | Hat | Purse

Top | Jeans | Shoes

Swim Top | Swim Bottoms | Kimono | Hat

Dress | Heels

Sweat Shirt | Leggings | Shoes

Swim Suit Top | Swim Suit Bottom | Hat

Top | Pants | Heels

Swim Suit Top | Swim Suit Bottom | Hat

Sports Bra | Leggings | Shoes

Romper | Heels

Dress | Jean Jacket | Shoes | Purse

Dress | Sandals

Swim Suit Top | Swim Suit Bottom | Cover Up | Hat

Shop all of my looks by clicking the links below the photo. <3

SUNNY SOBER SATURDAY

White Tee | Cardigan | Jeans | Shoes

I don’t think there is anything better than a Sunny Sober Saturday!! Beautiful life & beautiful day! Spending the day with family out in the sunshine before Tim and I head to Hawaii on Monday! WOO!

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

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Happy sober weekend loves! Always remember women change the world. Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. And may we raise them! Happy #internationalwomensday to each and every one of you babes! First and foremost thanks to the strongest most incredible woman I know, my mother; thank you for raising me and being the best role model, but a special thanks for showing tough love when I needed it the most and it ended up saving my life. Thanks to all of  you for inspiring me everyday. Tons of loves to each one of you fab women! I am PROUD! Super proud of all of the women out there kicking a$$ and taking names. I hope everyone has a great sober and safe Friday night!

#WELCHDOWNWEDNESDAY

Top | Leggings | Slippers | Welch’s Sparkling Juice

#welchdownwednesday ladies & gents! Routine is key for my sobriety. Is it for you!? It keeps my mind clear, my life organized, and allows me to stay in the right lane for my recovery. Wednesday nights are my nights. No one is home so the house is quiet as a mouse and I am able to get SO much done. I race home to jump into my favorite pajamas, whip out my computer, and pour myself a glass of sparkling juice. Every single Wednesday. I use these nights to plan, journal, meditate, organize, and relax. Life is crazy y’all and if I don’t take some ‘me’ time to get organized and stay organized I will end up completely overwhelmed and filled with loads of anxiety. Not a good place to be. So sober cheers to routine and an organized hump day to each one of you!!!